On a cold day in March...

... (but with sun that warms your skin) Loris had plans. Plans that involved a cozy restaurant and roses at our table... ....................................................................................................................

and trail riding at a beautiful little ranch (because I love horses, and even though he had never ridden and was slightly nervous)...

a slight detour (which is another story) and a picturesque walk in the city... ......................................

and finally, the best of all...

Loris asked me to marry him!

And of course, I said yes!

With, admittedly, many tears of happiness. Really though, what girl wouldn't cry with such a beautiful speech and poem written for her? Do you want to read the poem? Maybe I'll post it...

I really am overwhelmed with the goodness of God in giving me such a special fiance.

I've been reflecting on my single years...

Amidst all the excitement of this new season I find myself in, I still remember very well the struggles of the other: desiring marriage - or at least to be in a relationship moving towards it - but having no change of circumstance in view.

I know that, at twenty-six, I'm relatively young, but when your choice career goal is to be a wife, make a home, and mother children, waiting through much of your twenties feels like a long time!

But I am thankful for these past years of being single, of learning to trust the Lord and surrender many desires and plans to Him. I can honestly say that living with the tension of waiting and not knowing has been one of the greatest means of sanctification in my life over the last few years specifically.

So here are a few things on my heart that I want to share with any of you girls who are where I was - probaby nothing new here, but things I often needed to be reminded of and encouraged in:

Singleness can be a unique means of transforming us to be like Christ.

It's through a prolonged time of singleness that God has shown me my sinful tendencies for discontentment, for lack of patience and trust. Seeing these things so clearly surface from my heart has helped me repent and look to Christ and the power of the gospel to change. I had to realize that my circumstances were not the cause of my sin in these areas - I needed to learn, like Paul, contentment in whatever state I was in. (And I have a feeling this will be a life-long lesson.)

Singleness offers unique opportunity to be devoted to the things of the Lord. (1 Cor 7:32-35)

I realize that I'm not married yet, so I am not excluded from this concept, but I'm beginning to understand the difference that will come between being fully focused and devoted to "the things of the Lord", and having a husband and family to focus on. I'm thankful that (by God's grace), I've had a passion for studying His Word, listening to sermons and messages, reading, and serving in some specific ministries over my years of being single. Sadly, I haven't always made good use of the extra time I've had, but I have grown and benefited where I did. Don't treat this one flippantly, ladies! Be purposeful in carving out time to study, to learn, and to serve. You're building a foundation that will bring great blessing and help in years to come, whether you marry or not.

Living with unfulfilled desire can press us to desire and seek things of eternal significance.

It's through this season that God has drawn me, often in my lonliness or desperation, nearer to His side. He's used many related struggles to cause me to seek Him, to hold an eternal perspective, to learn to see outside of my very small life and focus on a hurting world that desperately needs the truth that is in Christ.

He's reminded me, in many ways, that life is about Him and His glory, and that living to know and love and serve Him is more satisfying and joy-giving than the fulfillment of any of my earthly dreams and desires could ever be.

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I won't finish off with a neat and tidy "just keep on and eventually marriage will come..." Life is uncertain. We're not promised marriage. Even if I do marry, Lord willing, I'm not guaranteed ease. I'm not exempt from the possibility of sorrow or even tragedy touching my life.

Whatever our state, let's keep striving after contentment, to find unshakable joy in God. Let's continue to anchor all of our hope in Christ Jesus who will never, ever fail us. Living for Him, we won't be disappointed.

What's been keeping me busy, you wonder?

Although a whirlwind of busyness, this last month has been full of reasons to give thanks to God. I haven't thanked Him enough...this afternoon, running around with a list of errands, I kept coming back to this thought: You are so good, Father.

Like many others, God has taken me through difficult seasons - times of waiting, praying, grasping for hope in the midst of trying circumstances. Inevitable things, perhaps especially for those of us in Christ, but so necessary. It's good to look back and remember, and see rich fruit that God produced in my life because of those things. He was good to bring and to allow every difficulty or reason for pain.

But this last month I've just been enjoying His goodness to me in different ways - lots of work for my small business, time with my family, an increased love for Christ and thankfulness for His grace, and perhaps most notably, the gift of being in a relationship with Loris. Do you want to see a picture?

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The more I get to know him, the more I am amazed, because he's so much more in many ways than what I expected, or prayed for - makes me laugh, good with kids, has a heart for the lost, loves God, seeks to lead me spiritually and help me grow to be like Christ and glorify Him. He writes me poetry! And buys me flowers! And my family likes him aaaalmost as much as I do. Okay, I will spare you a longer list, but trust me, I could provide it!

Something that's been on my heart though, is many of my single sisters in Christ who are still in that place of waiting. I want to write a post sometime soon to you, so check back! And I promise I will not say "hang in there because you're next" or any of that nonsensical-ness. :)

Also hoping to blog more this month, as soon as I get a little more organized and focused.

Happenings of late

And just like that, it's December.

I can hardly believe how quickly we've slipped from fall to winter, Christmas rapidly moving closer. I'm trying to keep in right order the things that fill up my days - family, friends, work, church, activities. I want to enjoy this season - holiday baking, buying gifts for people I love, spending (some) cozy evenings inside with the glow of Christmas lights and normal hubbub of family about.

Taking time to enjoy and appreciate simple things, and especially to set aside time just to be with the Lord - praying, reading His Word, soaking in what He has to say to me, considering how to apply it all.

I haven't blogged in a few weeks, but I do want to continue. I think partly, I've been a little busier than usual, and just haven't been disciplined enough to sit down and write. Another distraction - but a very good one - has been someone the Lord has brought into my life, and the surprise of beginning a relationship with this guy in the last month! (Insert a big smile) I've wanted to write a little of our story on here, but have been hesitant for a couple of reasons - one, we are not very far into the story yet, and two, I'm never sure how many personal details to share on a public blog. Still, I'll probably write more sometime soon.

For now I'll just say that I'm completely amazed that a few months ago, I was beginning a series on singleness with absolutely no hint that God was working behind the scenes and would very soon be ushering in new circumstances. It's amazing to me, and humbling - I feel like I don't deserve this godly man who's pursuing me, but I am so happy to know him, and am excited to see where the Lord will lead in the days to come!

Cold weather.

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Here in Ontario, it snowed the other night - big, wet flakes that immediately got me dreaming about cold cozy evenings and the Christmas season and everything winter brings. Of course, it's still only late-October, not really time to be wholeheartedly welcoming winter yet...but it's edging closer!

Although I have my favorites, there is so much to appreciate about every season. I love the colours and scents and moods of Autumn at it's peak, but there is beauty too, in the closing of this season - in the cooler days and cold, damp nights, in the delicate poetry of bare black branches against a pearl sky.

I like wearing warm sweaters and having to turn the heat on in my car, I like the excuse to enjoy more hot drinks, cupping my hands around a steaming mug of chai tea or hot chocolate. I love cold, dreary weather that invites me to stay inside - an evening spent trying a new recipe and devouring good books, an afternoon watching a movie and snuggling with little nieces who compete madly for lap space.

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I'm reminded (by this report that brings a gentle but needed rebuke - why can I purchase a new winter coat without thinking but feel like providing for another would be a sacrifice?) that it's a privilege to enjoy the cold because I can be warm...

Changing seasons, precious bits of life, beauty around me...gifts, all from above.

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(Photo my own)

Craving Balance

Confession: I am an odd mix.

I love goal setting, making lists, being disciplined, accomplishing tasks and being organized.

On the other hand, you will often find me messy, disorganized, scatter-brained, and procrastinating on several projects.

The conflict between these two categories is terrible. My "together" side wants it all together, as soon as possible. If it can't be done, I simply resign myself to the "not together" side -

put off those projects, leave the to-do's for another day, shove the mess in a corner, make some tea, and waste a couple hours on mindless internet surfing.

All or nothing, yes siree.

At least tonight it kindof got to me and I had to sort through baskets and clean a closet and scrub the toilet and answer emails and fill out a time-consuming but important form and organize my book shelves.

Organizing and cleaning is what I do when I'm putting off the more important things. Top on my list right now is to create a plan - and follow it - for some more in-depth Bible study, memorization, and reading.

But maybe I'll think about that tomorrow...

Tell me, do you have an inward control-freak-organizer and a laid-back-slacker doing battle with each other, or am I alone here?

If you're in my club, how do you find balance?

I'm loving this season...

Dear October,

I wish you would stay a while. Like, longer than a month.

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I enjoy your relatives, September and November, but I'm particularly fond of you.

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The other evening, I surprised my younger brothers with an invitation to ramble in some nearby woods with me. I am often too busy to spend time with them, and it was a treat. I loved the way you wrapped them in amber light and whisked them down the trail, chasing adventure.

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I love your blue skies and your shades of purple and your sharp, clean air, smelling of woodsmoke.

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I like the way your wind sounds like whispered secrets in the cornstalks.

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You make good company with pumpkin-spice scented candles and scattered pine cones and a pot of loose-leaf tea on a cold night.

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Thanks for making me slow down and appreciate the beauty my God creates, a season that speaks of endings and tiptoes towards death but promises a new beginning and life abundant in the spring to come.

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Like I said, you're welcome to stay longer, but maybe your fleeting treasures are all the more precious because of their brevity.

Sincerely,

Stephanie

(Photos my own)

Birthday thoughts, travels, and a prayer.

Last year for my birthday I posted a link to a helpful "life evaluation" resource: Ten Questions to Ask at the start of a new year or on your birthday.

It doesn't seem like a whole year ago that I took the time to slip away by myself to a nearby lake, Bible and notebook in hand, to think about the answers to these questions, to journal hopeful plans.

My birthday is Saturday, so I went looking for the list again. Honestly, I didn't live up to many of my well-intended goals. Work and busyness and every day life swallow up days on a calendar and along with them, many good intentions.

But here I am again, Lord, holding out my hands for grace. Ready for You to search my heart, to ask for wisdom that I might order the days you give me this year in a way that glorifies You.

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I'm headed to Niagra Falls, ON with my sister this weekend, so I should have a beautiful back-drop for my evaluation this year!

I'll leave you with a prayer which has been occupying much of my heart for weeks:

Disturb us, Lord, when

We are too pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when

with the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

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Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wilder seas

Where storms will show Your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push us into the future

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

.This we ask in the name of our Captain,

Who is Jesus Christ.

Sir Francis Drake, 1557, before departing from Portsmouth, England, to circumnavigate the globe.

Some pictures for you!

This past week, with my sister, I drove to the beautiful Province of Prince Edward Island. Walking along the Atlantic, I often wondered if I had slipped into a corner of heaven. :)

Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven. (Lam 3:41)

Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come! (Rev 4:8)

Bless the Lord, O my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great!

You are clothed with splendor and majesty, coverying yourself with light

as with a garment, stretching out the heavents like a tent. (Ps 104:1,2)

I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Ps 18:1-2)

Notable moment of the day...

Running inside to a second-hand shop in a thunderstorm and spotting two books on the shelf that I've wanted to read, but didn't want to purchase at full price. (Safely Home and Surprised by Joy) That settled it - an afternoon at home with a hot drink, candles burning, and a stack of good reads nearby was in order!

My mom never sees little things like that as coincidences, but rather, evidences of God's kindness and interest in the smallest parts of our lives. I want to emulate her example in receiving them with attention and greatfulness.

What about you? What are some small ways in which God has shown His kindness to you lately?

From His Hands

The words came to my mind as I was putting badminton rackets away in the shed behind our house this evening. The smell of hay and old wood and tools, and the wind brushing my face as I turned and stepped outside again, long shadows from the setting sun sweeping over the lawn -

In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

It was a like a whisper in my spirit; I had to stop and stand in the damp grass and look up at the sky.

In everything give thanks. In everything give thanks.

Suddenly all the little things from this evening seemed especially from the hands of my caring heavenly Father.

- Barbecued hamburgers and potato salad for supper.

- A June evening beautiful beyond description.

- Working in the yard with my mom and sister; deep purple irises stretching their heads to heaven, dripping with water from my tin watering can.

- Being chased by a little brother and sprayed with water.

- Throwing Frisbees.

- Playing badminton with brothers until my muscles burn - running across a shady lawn and laughing at their stunts.

- Taking a long walk towards the setting sun with my MP3 player and this music...

Ordinary, simple things, but I'm seeing tonight that they are really good gifts, given by the Lord. All undeserved. So often, I take little things for granted. I don't stop and offer thanks for them as I should. Instead, I focus on the things I want changed - problems or pain in my life and in the lives of those I love....but you know what? I saw my Lord's gracious care for me in little things tonight, and I know He is faithful in the big things also. He's the God who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him, and while we wait, we can enjoy His goodness.

I took a walk tonight into the cool spring dusk - down along fields and farmland, watching the sun set in a deep pink and orange sky. There's a beautiful grave yard not far from my house; I love to go there and think. (It's not morbid, I promise!) It always amazes me how grateful and renewed I feel after a while spent wandering along the pathways and reading the inscriptions on the headstones. Grateful for life. Renewed in perspective.

I wondered how many believers were buried beneath the ground I walked on. I wondered what advice for living they might offer me if they could look down from heaven and see me pause, face turned towards the emerging stars.

God is so good to love us, to give us a place in this whole history of humanity. Time is so precious.

How will we spend it?

About Me...

I was recently tagged to complete this on facebook, and thought I would post it here as well. I won't tag anyone but if any of you want to play, post it on your blog and leave a comment to let me know! You're supposed to share 25 random stories, facts, interests, etc. about yourself.

1. I really love hot drinks...coffee and tea, hot chai made with milk especially.
2. As a child, we moved ALOT. I think my parents thought they were gypsies. Most of these moves happened when I was pretty little, but the ones I remember where fun.
3. Growing up, I alternated between being a girly-girl and a tomboy. Here's a funny story for yah: One day when I was about four, my Mom was taking a nap. (Isn't that funny!) So my big brother and I went outside and threw mud pies at our white siding house until it was practically covered. Then I climbed into a bucket and my brother buried me up to my neck in mud from the garden. Fun times...until Mom woke up.
4. I took Riding lessons for two years when I was nine and won a whole bunch of ribbons in a horseshow...I was truly obsessed with horses and thought life would end if I didn't have my own by the time I was a teenager. Didn't happen, but I survived. :)
5. I used to climb under my bed to work on my "novels".
6. I started writing poetry when I learned to print but stopped about five years ago, not sure why.
7. I still enjoy writing though, and am working on a correspondence course right now. But I'm shy about showing my work :S
8. When I was fifteen I decided I was going to become a photographer for National Geographic - I pictured myself climbing trees in the Rain Forest and petting baby elephants in the wild. Ha!
9. At 5'7, I will one day be the shortest person in my family.
10. I have very pointy elbows. I never realized this until my sister-in-law "pointed" it out to me one day. Who needs pepper spray with elbows like mine? :)
11. I looove to read.
12. I frequently have to restrain myself from ordering books off of Amazon.
13. I usually have 5 + books on the go at a time.
14. Mostly non-fiction, as most fiction is either too mushy or trashy or badly written, unless we're talking classics, which I haven't read enough of.
15. Lately I'm enjoying writing by Spurgeon, A.W Pink, John MacArthur and John Piper.
16. John Piper inspires me.
17. I admire people who can run for more than 2 minutes.
18. I hope to become one of those people when the weather gets warmer...we shall see :)
19. I'm a very domestic sort of person...I love cooking and cleaning and organizing and decorating. Can't wait to have my own home someday!
20. I wish I could read ancient Greek. Every year I think, "This year I'll learn Greek!" but it hasn't happened yet. Hey, maybe this year!
21. Every Tuesday night (mostly) I go over to my sister-in-law's art studio to paint or draw or work on some kind of art project. We make tea and chit chat for a couple minutes and then dissapear into our own private worlds of MP3 players and creativity for 3 hours. My sister-in-law posesses all the artistic talent I wish I had. :)
22. I've played the fiddle since I was 9 but haven't practised as much as I'd like to in the last few years. I would love to play the cello.
23. I love chocolate. This is a well-known fact but I had to include it.
24. I love rainy days, and Spring and Fall.
25. If I had to define myself in one sentence, I'd say, "I am a Christian". I don't believe in stuffy, man-made religion - I belive in the transforming truth of Ephesians 2:8,9: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Not as a result of works, that no one may boast." There is nothing like the forgiveness, peace, and true joy found in a relationship with the Creator of the universe. Any questions? :)

I'm Back.

I'm home, amidst piles of laundry and to-do lists...it was nice to read all of your comments! Blogging is fun but it's even more fun when you know people read and appreciate the posts. :) So thank you to all who took the time to comment! Hopefully I'll be back to posting in the next couple days...

By the way, aren't these flowers gorgeous! I found the picture on Jupiter images and am pretending Spring is almost here. In answer to your question, Karen, I didn't go someplace warm - I wasn't even vacationing - it was a work-related trip. But it was good to have some time away. :)

I'm leaving...but not on a jet plane.

Just a notice to the two or three people that might read this blog! I'm going to be away for a couple weeks so I won't be posting. And now I'm sitting here trying to think of something else to say but that's about it! Wait, how about this...I'm a little curious about who exactly reads my blog, so whether you've commented before or haven't, if you stop by periodically would you give me a few sentences about yourself? I'd love to know who you are! Thanks. :)

Time for a partial reading fast, me thinks

So, January is here! This is a time for me to ponder the year ahead and start to make lists (mental or on paper) of some of the things I want to accomplish in the next year. Usually this list includes a lot of reading that I want to complete, and I dive in to the growing stack of books in my nightstand and bookshelves and baskets and...well, you get the idea. :)

As I've been thinking about this over the past several days, I've made a decision. I need a reading break. Revolutionary, isn't it? I think it has something to do with some of the issues I've been grappling with, especially over the past couple months. I tend to be a curious, got-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-this type of person, and that has transferred into trying to pinpoint exactly what I believe on a couple heavy doctrines. Doctrines that can be a bit confusing. I've been reading and listening to messages and comparing differing opinions, and - I've decided to put some of these issues away for a little while and rest my brain!

Not that the books on my list have much to do with those issues; I've just come to the realization that in all my reading (even though they're good books) I've not been spending enough time in my Bible. And that's what I need most right now. I may do some other reading over the next month, but the plan is to devote January to focusing on God's Word, not other's opinions on His Word. (However helpful these can be.)

Hopefully it will be a refreshing, mind-clearing, heart-focusing time!

How about you? Anyone else experiencing book/thinking burn-out recently or in the past? What have you done to remedy this?

Merry Christmas to my readers!

Like many, this has been a busy season for me. An increased work schedule, Christmas preparations and other demands have meant not much time for thinking about this blog! I have been doing quite a bit of reading and thinking, however, so I plan to share some of that on here soon.

Hopefully you are able to slow down over the next couple of days and truly focus on the beauty and meaning of the season for us as believers.

Here's a video that clearly reminds us why the world is in desperate need of the Christ we celebrate. Merry Christmas!

Six Lessons

Kaysie tagged me to share six things I've learned this year. These are not necessarily new things, but rather lessons that God has brought - and is still bringing - into sharper focus.

1. God is sovereign. Even when I can't understand why some things happen and others don't, the Creator of the Universe is at work in ways I can't comprehend, and His plan is perfect.

2. Grace is amazing. I am not perfect, and never will be in this life, but I can rest in the fact that God sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at me. I'm accepted.

3. Joy can be found even in trials. The key is to keep my focus on Jesus. Trials are designed for my sanctification, not my destruction.

4. More honesty and less pride equals a better friendship.

5. Scripture memory is important... and nothing highlights my lack of discipline better than that. (You're more than welcome to pray for me in this area!)

6. Believing God - really believing - involves action, not just mental consent. But the action needs to be done relying on God's power.

God knows that there is still much reviewing of these lessons needed in my life. : )

4 Reasons to Love Fall...

Crackly leaves underfoot...

October-blue skies overhead...
Scarves (especially scarves that you have proudly knit yourself!)...

And let's not forget...It's pumpkin time at Tim Hortons! (If you're not from Canada I'm sad to say you're missing out...although maybe Dunkin' Donuts has an equivelent?)

(Original Photos)

Pictures from my weekend

Over the next couple days I hope to post some of my notes from the conference we attended, but for now, some pictures...

Me and my "little" sister Christina on Lake George

Chrissy and our friend Kendra

Driving through the Adirondacks - so beautiful!!