In spite of this

It's raining.

I don't have to go out though, so I'm content with the bone-chilling dampness, the wind and the steady tap tapping of the drops against my windows.

It makes me feel safe, cozy - bundled in layers and sipping tea and typing by the warm glow of my desk lamp and a lit candle.

I was just writing in my journal, pouring out words that come from a heart obviously laced with anxieties and complaints. The kinds of thoughts that don't usually make their way to a blog post. (I like to spare you nice blog friends these things.) My journal holds many entries of this kind.

It works for me though - emptying my heart onto paper, and when I've gained a little clarity, or am finally still enough to listen, I put my journal away and open the Word.

.

Tonight, I saw this verse:

"Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear;

Though war arise against me, In spite of this, I shall be confident." (Ps 27:3)

.

A well-marked and familiar verse.

Several years ago, when I was in Bible school, a young woman (who was about to move overseas to be a missionary in a predominantly Muslim country) came to my dorm to give a devotional talk one night.

It must of been her genuineness, her evident love for God, that made her lesson press into my heart so permanently, serving as a reminder and an encouragement many times since.

This verse in Psalms speaks of real, physical circumstances. David knew what it was to be oppressed, for his life to be threatened, to have "war rise up against him." I don't understand those things - not from a personal perspective.

But....if David could say, in the midst of very real danger - "My heart will not fear...in spite of this I shall be confident..." - should I not be able to say the very same in lesser trials?

I may be struggling with confusion in trying to discern the Lord's will in some areas, I may be growing weary in waiting (and waiting....) for answers to prayer, I may be fighting off all kinds of sinful heart attitudes - ungratefulness, worry, pride...all of this, and yet -

and yet, in spite of this...

I don't want my life to be marked by fear and distrust, but by courage and confidence in the One who cannot fail me.

Confident that the same God who sustained David in his trials (and countless Christians since) will be faithful to me as well. Even when I don't understand everything, I'm trusting in Christ.

I'm trusting that He is causing all things to work together for good.

All things.